I am free to be guilty and free to be me!

I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be?
(Author: Carlos Miceli)

The second sentence by Emerson, where he says, "any longer for you, or you", took me some time to wrap my mind around.  I think he is saying that if he is not himself, he will either break himself, or break the person he is with.  And in a way, I think that this is correct.  Recently, I have noticed that when I am with my wife and she asks a question, I can take that question to a place where I try to decide if she is judging me.  Her question morphs into an accusation.  As begin to believe she is judging me, I become defensive.  Then in my defense I can either attack her, declaring she is wrong and I am right, or I turn on myself with that voice that accuses my inward parts of being wholly bad.

I have recently been saying that with the grace of God I am now free to be guilty.  If I am free to be guilty, it no longer concerns me if I am at fault or not.  And fault or not, I am still holy and acceptable to my creator, so now I can take responsibility for all of my actions, as they are all me, and decide if I would like to change my action and do something different.  I no longer have to fear a consequence if my actions turn out to be poor choices, because my standing with my creator does not change based upon my actions, but rather it stays on the solid ground of my faith in his actions.  I can now hear the question, and deal with the question with out emotion or defensiveness.  My freedom to be guilty allows me to be free to choose differently, it allows me freedom to accept responsibility.

It gives me shared responsibility with God for my future actions.  I am free to change!