Truth #2 I am enough!

 I have been an approval junkie all of my life.  And some of the things that I say to myself are that I probably did not do that well enough, I could have done that better, I wonder if I should have done it this way, I wonder what they thought about that.  People that know me well have told me these words, "relax, you do good!"  The problem has been that I could never tell myself that.  I own a multi million dollar company, have a loving wife, three great sons, I am a faithful member of my church, a member of the school board, a chairman of an association trust fund for training apprentices, in short a well respected, well loved man and yet I do not feel comfortable standing alone. 

I think many people who are highly achievers have this problem, where they feel like underachievers.  But I discovered a truth at a seminar called Roots and Wings.  A truth that I can be enough.  Now to be fair, I have been working on this one for a while.  But the truth that I saw this weekend was how badly I wanted the approval of others and how much I discounted my own opinion of how I did.

I love to know the opinion of those whom I respect, but if don't respect myself my opinion does not matter.  Now certainly if I go half hearted and I know it, then I don't need any help in forming the opinion that it was a half hearted effort.  But if I did it with my whole heart, well, why do I need another opinion.  I did all I could and could not have done any more.  Can I trust him who created me, that my effort will be enough?

In the retreat that I went to, I had a task given to me to do.  I went for it, you know, did it with abandon, with everything I had.  I had a great time in doing it.  Now it was not perfect and I had some critique's on things I could have done better, I knew some spots where I messed up, but even with the imperfections, I knew I nailed it.  I experienced it in the room in the moment I was doing it and there was nothing left in me when I was done.  Now my habits wanted me to ask people if they liked it.  Part of that was I wanted the flattery.  Part of it is I wanted feedback.   But another part of me experienced that I knew I nailed it.  I didn't need any other input, I could be satisfied with me, because I had chosen to give it my all.

All in, its an interesting approach to life.